i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
