is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
