Swine flu. Run for my life!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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