You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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