fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dear god my vagina.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
