i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
