So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
