he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
