This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
