i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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