I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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