Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
