I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
