At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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