She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my shit smells like andre
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
