I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
