I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
