Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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