I'm lost and stupid without you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
