You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
