People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
