Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
