How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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