R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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