I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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