My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
