p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
