I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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