We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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