4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
