Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
