Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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