All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
