Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
