I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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