I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
