i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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