Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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