New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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