i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
