I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
