she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
