I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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