Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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