i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
