Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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