So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
