i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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