i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
