no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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