WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
