I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
