Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
