Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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