hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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