My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
