This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
