my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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